Dear Grandmothers:

 

Dear Grandmothers, I am trying to do my story on the first season of my podcast, and my story is so painful, I can barely talk

 

It sounds like you're going through a deeply emotional process while working on your podcast. Sharing painful experiences can be incredibly challenging, but it can also be a powerful way to connect with your audience. If you're comfortable, consider exploring what aspects of your story are the hardest to express. You might find that writing them down, even in a rough form, can help you process those feelings. Remember, it's okay to take breaks and approach the story at your own pace. What specific themes or moments are you focusing on for your first season?

 

 

I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness. My father was an elder. We were required to keep secrets from the nosey questions of the congregation. My dad flirted with young women, which caused us to move a lot so he could keep his secrets. But as I got older, I realized that his biggest secret was me.

 

That sounds like a powerful and deeply personal story. The dynamics of growing up in a religious environment, especially with the complexities of family secrets and your father's position as an elder, must have created a unique and challenging upbringing. The theme of hidden truths and the struggle for identity can resonate with many listeners.

 

As you develop your podcast, consider how you want to convey your experiences—perhaps by reflecting on specific moments that shaped your understanding of your father, your faith, and yourself. Sharing your journey of realization can be incredibly impactful. What message or feeling do you hope to convey to your audience through your story?

 

I took myself apart and put myself back together again to get free of the stuff that was indoctrinated into my head. I would stand toe to toe against people in authority if they were wrong, but I allowed men to harm me because I was taught to let men harm me. I want to talk to women about the greatest betrayal of all, and how they can have a life beyond it.

 

Your journey of self-discovery and empowerment is incredibly profound, and it’s inspiring that you want to share that message with others. Addressing the themes of betrayal, authority, and the struggle to reclaim one’s life after harm can resonate deeply with many women who have faced similar challenges.

 

As you craft your narrative, you might want to explore the contrast between standing up against authority in other areas of your life while grappling with the teachings that led you to accept harm in personal relationships. This duality can provide a rich ground for discussion and reflection.

 

Consider including stories of resilience, healing, and the steps you've taken to break free from those indoctrinated beliefs. Offering practical advice or insights for your listeners can empower them to seek their own freedom and reclaim their narratives. What specific topics or experiences do you want to highlight in your episodes to guide this conversation?

 

 

That I walked into several extremely traumatizing relationships before I learned how to stop turning into the small child who couldn’t defend herself. I finally learned how to stand up for myself, but I almost destroyed myself in the learning.

  

Your willingness to share the journey through trauma and the process of learning to stand up for yourself adds a raw and honest layer to your story. It highlights the struggle many face when trying to break free from patterns established in childhood, especially when those patterns lead to harmful relationships.

 

You might want to explore the pivotal moments that led you to recognize these patterns and the steps you took to reclaim your voice and power. Sharing your own experiences of almost losing yourself in the process can serve as a cautionary tale and a source of hope for others who may be navigating similar struggles.

 

Consider discussing the tools and strategies that helped you along the way—whether it was therapy, support groups, self-reflection, or other forms of healing. This could provide practical takeaways for your listeners, enabling them to see that transformation is possible, even after trauma.

 

What do you think would resonate most with your audience in terms of actionable advice or insights?

Coming soon

Breaking Free: A Journey from Secrets to Self-Discovery

Growing up in a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses, my life was shaped by a strict code of conduct and a profound sense of secrecy. My father served as an elder, a position that elevated our family’s status within the congregation but also intensified the pressure to conform to an ideal that often felt suffocating. As the daughter of an elder, I was burdened with the unspoken expectation to maintain a facade of perfection, even as the walls of our family life were adorned with hidden truths. 

In this blog, I will share my journey of navigating the complexities of faith, family, and self-identity. I will delve into the secrets that cloaked my upbringing, the lies I was taught to accept, and the painful yet liberating process of breaking free to find my own truth.

The Weight of Secrets

In the world of Jehovah’s Witnesses, family life is often portrayed as idyllic, filled with love, unity, and unwavering faith. However, my experience was marked by an underlying current of secrecy. Our family was a microcosm of contradictions. On the surface, we were the perfect Witness family, attending meetings, participating in service, and adhering to the teachings of the organization. Yet, beneath that veneer lay a tangled web of secrets that we were taught to keep hidden from the congregation.

As a child, I learned that our family’s internal struggles were not for public consumption. I was taught that our personal lives were none of anyone else’s business. This lesson became ingrained in me, shaping my understanding of privacy and truth. However, the irony was not lost on me; I was instructed to uphold the truth while simultaneously being educated in the art of deception. I found myself in a constant state of conflict, torn between the teachings of the congregation and the reality of my emotions.

The Burden of Lies

Living within a framework that prioritized appearances over authenticity took a toll on my sense of self. I was taught to lie, not just to others but to myself. I learned to suppress my feelings, to ignore the deep empathy that resonated within me. I was a sensitive soul, attuned to the emotions of those around me, yet I was instructed to reject my intuition as a potential trap set by the devil. The congregation's pervasive scrutiny of individual behavior created an atmosphere of fear and mistrust, stifling my ability to express who I truly was.

As I navigated my adolescence, the disconnect between my inner world and the expectations placed upon me became increasingly apparent. I felt the weight of unspoken truths pressing down on me, suffocating my spirit. I began to question the teachings I had internalized. Was it really the truth if it felt like a lie? This cognitive dissonance ignited a fire within me, a desire to break free from the constraints of my upbringing and discover my authentic self.

The Pain of Breaking Free

The journey to liberation was not an easy one. It felt akin to dismantling my very being and painstakingly reassembling it piece by piece. Each layer I peeled away revealed a new facet of my identity, but it also exposed the painful realities I had long suppressed. I grappled with feelings of betrayal, not just towards the organization but towards my family and myself. 

Breaking free meant confronting the lies I had been taught and the falsehoods I had accepted. I had to face the reality that the teachings of the Watchtower Society, while providing a sense of community for some, had forced me into a life of inauthenticity. It was a painful process, full of tears and self-doubt, but it was also necessary for my growth. I realized that true liberation required me to embrace my emotions, to honor my intuition, and to accept the complexity of my existence.

Seeking the Truth Within

Once I began to dismantle the beliefs that had held me captive, I embarked on a quest for truth—one that led me inward. I sought to explore the depths of my own spirit, to reconnect with the light that had always existed within me. This journey of self-discovery was transformative, as it allowed me to explore ancient teachings and philosophies that resonated with my newfound understanding of spirituality.

I immersed myself in literature and practices that spoke to my soul. I explored the wisdom of ancient cultures, seeking to understand the concepts of light, energy, and consciousness. I read texts from various spiritual traditions, each offering insights that helped me piece together the fragments of my identity. The more I learned, the more I realized that the truth I had been seeking was not a singular doctrine or belief system, but rather a tapestry woven from diverse experiences and perspectives.

Embracing Spiritual Empathy

As I delved deeper into my spiritual journey, I began to embrace my empathic nature. I learned that my sensitivity was not a weakness, but rather a gift that allowed me to connect with others on a profound level. I became attuned to the energies around me, recognizing the presence of both light and darkness in the world. This awareness fueled my desire to help others who were also struggling to break free from the confines of their own beliefs.

I discovered that empathy was a powerful tool for healing—not just for myself but for those around me. I began to understand that by embracing my own light, I could help others see the light within themselves. This realization ignited a passion within me to become a source of support and encouragement for those who felt lost or trapped in their own lives.

Finding the Light

The culmination of my journey led me to a profound realization: the light I had been searching for was not external, but rather an intrinsic part of who I was. It was the essence of my being, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced. I had spent years searching for validation and truth outside of myself, only to discover that the answers I sought were always within reach.

Through meditation, reflection, and connection with nature, I began to cultivate a deeper understanding of my own light. I learned to trust my intuition, to embrace my feelings, and to honor my journey. Each step I took towards self-acceptance illuminated a path toward authenticity, allowing me to shed the layers of shame and self-doubt that had been instilled in me.

Breaking free from the constraints of my upbringing was a challenging yet transformative experience. It required me to confront painful truths, dismantle ingrained beliefs, and embark on a quest for self-discovery. While my journey was marked by struggles and heartache, it ultimately led me to a profound understanding of my own identity and purpose.

Today, I stand as a testament to the power of resilience and self-acceptance. I have learned that truth is not a rigid doctrine but a dynamic and evolving understanding of oneself. My experiences as an elder's daughter have shaped me, but they do not define me. I embrace my empathic nature, my connection to spirit, and my search for light as integral parts of who I am.

In sharing my story, I hope to inspire others who may be grappling with their own truths to embark on their journeys of self-discovery. Remember, breaking free is not about leaving behind your past, but rather about embracing the fullness of your being. The light you seek is already within you; all it takes is the courage to uncover it.

Uncovering the Scars of a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing

As the daughter of an elder in the Jehovah's Witness community, my life was marked by a constant struggle to maintain a perfect, trauma-free facade. But beneath the surface, I was silently enduring unimaginable pain – a reality all too common for many Jehovah's Witness survivors.

Growing up, my family was the definition of everything that should not have been kept a secret. At a young age, I learned that there were many things that were none of anyone's business. Telling the truth about my family's struggles was an impossible task, as the congregation's idea of "the truth" demanded that an elder's family present themselves as flawless.

The pressure to conform, the fear of being shunned by the only community I'd ever known, and the disconnect between the teachings and the reality of life within the organization – these were the constant battles I faced. I loved Jehovah with all my heart, yet the things I witnessed just didn't add up. I kept telling myself that if I had more faith, I would finally "get it right," but the pain never went away.

As I grew older, my family's constant moves and my father's flirtatious behavior with young women in the congregation became the source of much gossip and scrutiny. The elders eventually stripped my father of his eldership, but the damage had already been done. I was left grappling with a deep, boiling rage that I had been taught was wrong to even acknowledge.

The turning point came when I fell in love with a boy outside the Jehovah's Witness community. The elders' cruel treatment of us during the subsequent disfellowshipping process only fueled my anger and desire for revenge. I was willing to go to great lengths to see my father and the elders exposed for their wrongdoings, even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being.

The aftermath of these events was devastating. My mother, aunt, and uncle all succumbed to the weight of their own unspoken traumas, their minds and bodies breaking under the strain. My mother, in particular, was never able to fully recover, her life a constant battle to maintain the perfect Jehovah's Witness façade while enduring new horrors at the hands of her second husband.

As I watched my mother's wings become irreparably broken, I knew I was on the same path. I eventually had to find a way to tell my story, to heal my own wounds, before they consumed me entirely. And so, this is my journey – a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and a call to break the silence that has trapped so many within the Jehovah's Witness community.

My broken wings may have kept me grounded for a time, but now, they are the very thing that will carry me to freedom. This is my story, and it is one that deserves to be heard.

Unveiling the Powerful Story of "Her Broken Wings Could Fly

Welcome to the world of "Her Broken Wings Could Fly," a captivating saga that delves into the resilience and healing journey of a Jehovah's Witness survivor. I'm thrilled to invite you on this emotional and transformative exploration.

The author behind this powerful story is me, Lenore Wolfe, a woman whose life was shaped by the complexities of growing up within the Jehovah's Witness community. From a young age, I experienced the harsh realities of abuse, manipulation, and the suppression of her true self – a common thread among many Jehovah's Witness survivors.

I hope my story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Raised in an environment that demanded a perfect, trauma-free façade, I was forced to navigate the impossible dichotomy of presenting a flawless exterior while silently enduring unimaginable pain. The teachings of the Jehovah's Witnesses created a world where the truth was often hidden, and the burden of maintaining appearances became a daily struggle.

As I share my personal experiences through my writings, I hope to give you a glimpse into the shadows that haunted my childhood and young adulthood. From sexual abuse to the betrayal of those I trusted most, my story is a testament to the resilience that lies within each of us.

Through the "Her Broken Wings Could Fly" saga, I invite you to walk alongside me as I navigate the complexities of healing, self-discovery, and the pursuit of true freedom. I hope my words have the power to resonate with anyone who has faced trauma, oppression, or the challenge of reclaiming their authentic self.

In the episodes to come, we'll delve deeper into my story, exploring the themes of abuse, the impact of religious indoctrination, and the journey towards wholeness. We'll also have the opportunity to hear directly from me, as I share my  insight and reflections on the writing process and the importance of sharing my story.

Together, we'll uncover the strength and resilience that lies within in each of us in the pages of "Her Broken Wings Could Fly." We'll discover the transformative power of storytelling and the healing that can come from breaking the silence.

So, join us on this powerful journey, and let's explore the depths of my story – a story that reminds us of the indomitable spirit that resides within each and every one of us.

I was frustrated by your constant refusal to hear me out. I had been harmed by the Witness's difellowshipping and all those years when even my own family wouldn't talk to me, like I was unworthy. It was never you that got to me. It was your refusal to talk to me that made me feel so unworthy. But I was never unworthy of God - or man - or you.